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Butts

Tiger Woods

Gripping stuff, he looked so fat - and gone in the eyes.

If that was an act, it was one of the best I've seen.
fartcatcher

he's addicted to sex then!

why did have to be Twix's with me.

apologies for the apostophe Butts but just looks stupid without it
Grind

I guess it might be hard to go cold turkey with that affliction.

Mind you, if you warmed it up a bit.....  
Butts

Apparently it's no fun being addicted to sex. Lots of people say they are but if you meet someone who genuinely is their life can be utter misery.
Plastic Man

I had the fortune(?) to unintentionally tune in to his errr... how can one describe it , errr Tiger Wood's mea culpa, overly-whining and self-pitying public statement this afternoon. One of those rubber-necking, car-crash witnessing moments that one is almost embarrassed to later admit that attracted one's attention.

Mr Wood's espousing all that crap about receiving "in-patient treatment" and "therapy" for "his problem".

I was listening on Radio 5 and did enjoy the flurry of, frankly, unsympathetic correspondence texted in after his broadcast.

To paraphrase one gem, worthy of a Viz letter, "If desiring no-strings-attached sex with a string of beautiful women requires therapy, then couches the world over are going to be covered in men."
Grind

Plastic Man wrote:
I had the fortune(?) to unintentionally tune in to his errr... how can one describe it , errr Tiger Wood's mea culpa, overly-whining and self-pitying public statement this afternoon. One of those rubber-necking, car-crash witnessing moments that one is almost embarrassed to later admit that attracted one's attention.

Mr Wood's espousing all that crap about receiving "in-patient treatment" and "therapy" for "his problem".

I was listening on Radio 5 and did enjoy the flurry of, frankly, unsympathetic correspondence texted in after his broadcast.

To paraphrase one gem, worthy of a Viz letter, "If desiring no-strings-attached sex with a string of beautiful women requires therapy, then couches the world over are going to be covered in men."


Or worse.  tryyryo.gif
Plastic Man

I forgot to give a mention to Martin Kelner (alongside Danny Baker, one of my favourite broadcasters, both criminally under-employed due to their mutual "two-fingers-up" and "not-suffering-fools-gladly" approach that has criminally undermined their careers with their public-sector employers) who is currently filling in on the breakfast slot on Radio Leeds.

To paraphrase Martin's comment this morning regarding Mr Wood's broadcast scheduled for for later in the day, "Apparently Tiger Woods has sent a letter of thanks to John Terry for taking the press-heat off him in recent weeks..."
fartcatcher

If he has got sex addiction, then he ought to dump the mrs and carry on shagging. He'll soon get bored or an s.t.d.

He's always been a right miserable fecker - never seen a proper smile out of him in 10 years. It's not difficult for him to do miserable for the cameras because that's the way he is.

What is is that none too bright glamorous young women see in millionaire sportsmen anyway?  

And why don't you get none too bright handsome young men throwing themselves at millionaire sportswomen. Like Paula Radcliffe.
Butts

Who's going to throw themselves at a woman who takes a shit in public?
fartcatcher

Butts wrote:
Who's going to throw themselves at a woman who takes a shit in public?


fair point Butts.

btw i've decided its Twixes not Twix's. I was getting confused as to whether it should have a double x in it. I have decided it shouldn't.
Pond Life

You say Twi
Butts

fartcatcher wrote:


btw i've decided its Twixes not Twix's. I was getting confused as to whether it should have a double x in it. I have decided it shouldn't.


I think it's just 'Twix' - the x implies plural as well as singular.
Grind

Butts wrote:
fartcatcher wrote:


btw i've decided its Twixes not Twix's. I was getting confused as to whether it should have a double x in it. I have decided it shouldn't.


I think it's just 'Twix' - the x implies plural as well as singular.


Should've had a finger of fudge - it would've been so much easier.

And just enough.
Late Doors

Nice on PM, Martin Kelner, up there with the great DB himself

Why is Tiger Woods apologising to me in my front room? I have not given a fuck and still don't.
Grind

Late Doors wrote:
Nice on PM, Martin Kelner, up there with the great DB himself

Why is Tiger Woods apologising to me in my front room? I have not given a fuck and still don't.


Quite - it seems as if he's the one been giving all the fucking.

And he probably still is.
Seal

fartcatcher wrote:
he's addicted to sex then!

why did have to be Twix's with me.



Very good.    


Had I been drinking tea, it would have been spat out.

*wonders why people are always drinking something when they see something funny on the internet*
Pond Life

Seal wrote:


*wonders why people are always drinking something when they see something funny on the internet*


Excellent observation. You should write to the chief exec of the Internets and ask him. Or ask Carp to ask Stephen Hawking, he'd know.
bearing

Late Doors wrote:
Nice on PM, Martin Kelner, up there with the great DB himself

Why is Tiger Woods apologising to me in my front room? I have not given a fuck and still don't.


Like Kelner, witty chap.

I was thinking the same thing LD. Why apologies to people for letting us down?

Perhaps he thinks he's on some kind of pedestal still, well I'm with FC, he's always been a miserable feck.  He makes Monty seem cheery!
Pond Life

It was well stage managed, well rehearsed. He has been told that is the best thing for his public image. He's believed it.

I think what was interesting was the BBC's take on it.

He didn't answer the ONE question that everybody wants to know....When will he be playing golf again?

That shows you how much people care about his personal life.
Seal

Pond Life wrote:
Seal wrote:


*wonders why people are always drinking something when they see something funny on the internet*


Excellent observation. You should write to the chief exec of the Internets and ask him. Or ask Carp to ask Stephen Hawking, he'd know.


Are they mates?
Pond Life

http://regdafishthinktank.com/ftopic6179-0-asc-0.php
lebowski

Late Doors wrote:
Nice on PM, Martin Kelner, up there with the great DB himself

Why is Tiger Woods apologising to me in my front room? I have not given a fuck and still don't.


Money.
Seal

We can expect a couple of non-golf appearances in the coming couple of months where he looks contrite.

Then perhaps a charity golf event.

Then back on the money train when those who care about what we think about him will have calculated that he's fit for public consumption.


But I hope it lasts for years and he doesn't get to break Nicklaus' record in the Majors. Sour faced bad loser.
bearing

lebowski wrote:
Late Doors wrote:
Nice on PM, Martin Kelner, up there with the great DB himself

Why is Tiger Woods apologising to me in my front room? I have not given a fuck and still don't.


Money.


He'll not get owt from LD though.
lebowski

bearing wrote:
lebowski wrote:
Late Doors wrote:
Nice on PM, Martin Kelner, up there with the great DB himself

Why is Tiger Woods apologising to me in my front room? I have not given a fuck and still don't.


Money.


He'll not get owt from LD though.


Wait till he starts crying, he might then.
sheeps

It's not even a sport FFS.





Sorry, it's an addiction.
Mol

Just watched it now, car crash stuff.
Plastic Man

Butts wrote:
fartcatcher wrote:


btw i've decided its Twixes not Twix's. I was getting confused as to whether it should have a double x in it. I have decided it shouldn't.


I think it's just 'Twix' - the x implies plural as well as singular.


Herr Kommandant - If the plural of matrix is matrices, should the plural of Twix be Twices?
Sir Bulldog Craggwood

not an equal opportunities shagger either - not one black girl and no disabled lesbians
fartcatcher

he's bound to get a few shags in a sex rehab clinic anyway.
bearing

Plastic Man wrote:
Butts wrote:
fartcatcher wrote:


btw i've decided its Twixes not Twix's. I was getting confused as to whether it should have a double x in it. I have decided it shouldn't.


I think it's just 'Twix' - the x implies plural as well as singular.


Herr Kommandant - If the plural of matrix is matrices, should the plural of Twix be Twices?


Depends on how many you have.
Plastic Man

fartcatcher wrote:
he's bound to get a few shags in a sex rehab clinic anyway.


A good point, well made. They'll be at it like rabbits in there.

Merely as a point of interest, what qualifications would one need to work in such an establishment?

Are tradesmen allowed in unaccompanied?

"Howdy Ma'am, I'm a plumber and I understand you have a moisture problem that you need fixing. I've got a tool to fix any problem that a lady might have..."
fartcatcher

I've just googled 'sex rehab clinic' and they all seem to be in the US.

No sign of a Twix rehab clinic anywhere  
Pond Life

His fave recording artist is Van Halen. Tells me all i need to know about him that does.
sheeps

Fuck him.
Sir Bulldog Craggwood

sheeps wrote:
Fuck him.



they already have. I'm surprised he could still putt straight. I'd have been on betablockers
bearing

Sir Bulldog Craggwood wrote:
sheeps wrote:
Fuck him.



they already have. I'm surprised he could still putt straight. I'd have been on betablockers


They make your nose cold!

beta-blockers that is!
Tank Girl

tiger is making his return at the us masters in a couple of weeks.

he is worried about the reception he will receive, he may no longer welcome them fatty american fans that follow him about and shout 'IN THE HOLE' every time he hits the ball.
fartcatcher

Now courting blonde (and extremely attractive) US skier, Lindsay Vonn.

what does she see in him  

Plastic Man

Ruddy heck.

You have a longer memory of previous posts than Dock - someone who somehow manages to bear a grudge regarding a previous post even longer than an Irish female gypsy who thinks someone has dissed the cleanliness of her caravan.
Forest

Plastic Man wrote:
Ruddy heck.

You have a longer memory of previous posts than Dock - someone who somehow manages to bear a grudge regarding a previous post even longer than an Irish female gypsy who thinks someone has dissed the cleanliness of her caravan.


The use of old quotes to win an internet argument is called a 'McCanning' according to the dictionary.
Grind

fartcatcher wrote:
Now courting blonde (and extremely attractive) US skier, Lindsay Vonn.

what does she see in him  



I'd happily mashie her niblicks.
Dock

Plastic Man wrote:
Ruddy heck.

You have a longer memory of previous posts than Dock - someone who somehow manages to bear a grudge regarding a previous post even longer than an Irish female gypsy who thinks someone has dissed the cleanliness of her caravan.


With regard to my recent memory of an old post, I did try to explain in the thread why I had remembered it. I'm still getting stick for something stupid I posted on another forum from five years ago. You lot are worse than family for remembering. Of all the good positive stuff I have tried to post about as a member of Reg its that one thing that still gets dragged up. Sorry for jacking the Tiger thread. Carry on.
grunt

Dock wrote:
Plastic Man wrote:
Ruddy heck.

You have a longer memory of previous posts than Dock - someone who somehow manages to bear a grudge regarding a previous post even longer than an Irish female gypsy who thinks someone has dissed the cleanliness of her caravan.


With regard to my recent memory of an old post, I did try to explain in the thread why I had remembered it. I'm still getting stick for something stupid I posted on another forum from five years ago. You lot are worse than family for remembering. Of all the good positive stuff I have tried to post about as a member of Reg its that one thing that still gets dragged up. Sorry for jacking the Tiger thread. Carry on.


Reminds me of the cocksucker Mike joke  
Plastic Man

Dock wrote:
With regard to my recent memory of an old post, I did try to explain in the thread why I had remembered it. I'm still getting stick for something stupid I posted on another forum from five years ago.


I'd genuinely only used "an Irish female gypsy who thinks someone has dissed the cleanliness of her caravan" as an extreme example of someone who might harbour a long term grudge rather than referring to previous postings.
Dock

Plastic Man wrote:
Dock wrote:
With regard to my recent memory of an old post, I did try to explain in the thread why I had remembered it. I'm still getting stick for something stupid I posted on another forum from five years ago.


I'd genuinely only used "an Irish female gypsy who thinks someone has dissed the cleanliness of her caravan" as an extreme example of someone who might harbour a long term grudge rather than referring to previous postings.


You big Royal fibber!
Plastic Man

Dock wrote:
Plastic Man wrote:
Dock wrote:
With regard to my recent memory of an old post, I did try to explain in the thread why I had remembered it. I'm still getting stick for something stupid I posted on another forum from five years ago.


I'd genuinely only used "an Irish female gypsy who thinks someone has dissed the cleanliness of her caravan" as an extreme example of someone who might harbour a long term grudge rather than referring to previous postings.


You big Royal fibber!


It's true.

What example would you have used then?

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