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Heyho

Tales from the Allotment

By popular demand (well one person mentioned it at Saturday nights Regfest) I have decided to start an Allotment thread.

This is for those Reg'ers who enjoy pricking stuff out or planting their seed.

So what's been going on this year. Had my first cucumber off. Mrs H's eyes widened and the length and thickness of it. Lettuce too doing well as did the Strawberry and Raspberry crops.

Other than that everything else come along nicely. And that included the boody weeds.
lolwarlol

Excellent!!
Butts

I'd love an allotment but there's an 80 name waiting list for those next to us.
Heyho

Butts wrote:
I'd love an allotment but there's an 80 name waiting list for those next to us.


It annoys me all these overgrown cemetaries. Plenty of space there and the soil will be well manured.
Forest

Heyho wrote:
Butts wrote:
I'd love an allotment but there's an 80 name waiting list for those next to us.


It annoys me all these overgrown cemetaries. Plenty of space there and the soil will be well manured.


I wonder if it's possible to be buried on your allotment.

Due to a glut of courgettes from the allotment, this afternoon I have made an Italian courgette soup to be followed by courgette and lime muffins.
Heyho

Forest wrote:
Heyho wrote:
Butts wrote:
I'd love an allotment but there's an 80 name waiting list for those next to us.


It annoys me all these overgrown cemetaries. Plenty of space there and the soil will be well manured.


I wonder if it's possible to be buried on your allotment.

Due to a glut of courgettes from the allotment, this afternoon I have made an Italian courgette soup to be followed by courgette and lime muffins.


never grown courgettes mainly because i don't like 'em.

saying that I don't like tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce and most the other stuff I grow either.

what I do like most about allotment life is the sanctitued is that a word). you can't grow that
bearing

Ace, cheers Heyho
bearing

Ace, cheers Heyho
Dock

Butts wrote:
I'd love an allotment but there's an 80 name waiting list for those next to us.


We were going to put our names down for that one (I think you mean the big allotment opposite the pub on Harrogate Road thats in spitting distance of Butts Heights). Never got round to it. I'd love an allotment me, but a lass I work with has one and she says its a lot of work, sometimes full weekends. I wouldn't mind the constant toil if it was in my back garden but fuck having to drive to the bastard.

*goes to supermarket*

Keep us informed of whats going on HH. This thread could be bigger than 'The Chain'.
sheeps

R Gert had an allotment. All the blokes used to help her.

Cept me of course. I was too busy.

Courgettes are awfull.
Heyho

Dock wrote:
Butts wrote:
I'd love an allotment but there's an 80 name waiting list for those next to us.


We were going to put our names down for that one (I think you mean the big allotment opposite the pub on Harrogate Road thats in spitting distance of Butts Heights). Never got round to it. I'd love an allotment me, but a lass I work with has one and she says its a lot of work, sometimes full weekends. I wouldn't mind the constant toil if it was in my back garden but fuck having to drive to the bastard.

*goes to supermarket*

Keep us informed of whats going on HH. This thread could be bigger than 'The Chain'.


The cheating away is to invest in a petrol rotavator.  Absolutely ace for digging up the soil and saves loads of time
Plastic Man

Heyho wrote:
The cheating away is to invest in a petrol rotavator.  Absolutely ace for digging up the soil and saves loads of time


Rotavators are handy early in the season. An absolute must in the walled garden. (Obviously a few large Massey Fergusons with various add-ons are required for the proper horticulture of the large acreage hereabouts.)

However, once things are planted, my staff prefer a long-handled hoe for tackling weeds. Unfortunately a Rotavator is not a precision instrument and (as they uncouthly describe it) tends to "fuck things over a bit".
fartcatcher

i have a 6ft by 4ft greenhouse. The rest of the garden is given over to lawn and jungle. It encourages the wildlife.

Osborne the toad and Usain the newt seem to have moved out now.

Peppers doing very well, tomatoes pretty rubbish.
Best ever lettuces.
Polish white beans not really a greenhouse crop i fear.
Butts

I feel it's my duty to come to the defence of the courgette, which I will in due course.
Forest

Butts wrote:
I feel it's my duty to come to the defence of the courgette, which I will in due course.


Courgettes are ace, very versatile.
bearing

Yes, we love 'em at bearing towers, we grow them in the borders.

I especially love them gently sautéed before being joined in the pan by the omelette mixture, they add a lovely dimension to an otherwise dull egg pancake.
Heyho

I did forget to mention my best crop this year will actually be celery closely followed by leek.

Can't stand celery raw but put in a nice thick veg soup it's the dogs bollocks.

And leeks have to be the cockroach of the veg garden. Just indestructable.
Seal

Mmmm, courgettes, garlic, butter, gently fried for 20 mins. Nom.
Butts

Have you ever grown garlic?
Heyho

Butts wrote:
Have you ever grown garlic?


Yes. Best to put the bulbs in around September time for a crop the following year. When harvesting if you leave it too long it does start to taste a bit earthy though so best get it when it is fresh.

Spent over an hour last night sorting out a raised bed I'd created a couple of years ago. I'd 'given' the 6ft x 6ft bed to soemone to look after (from another site like this) but he hasn't been back and kept up to it. Bloody full of couch grass now. impossible to get rid of.
Tank Girl

wow, this is amazing. a proper agriculturer.
i fancy an allotment but only really if i can do little bits of work when i fancy it.
and this attitude would not work, alas.
Heyho

Tank Girl wrote:
wow, this is amazing. a proper agriculturer.
i fancy an allotment but only really if i can do little bits of work when i fancy it.
and this attitude would not work, alas.


Well with me it has to do. There too much else going on in life to spend all the time at the allotment espeically with a wife and two kids around.

Blokes next to me is retired and his allotment is to die for. Immaculate. But he is there each and every day and most the bloody day as well.

After the rotovator the best thing I bought was some of the black matting that suppresses weeds. I've got it all over my plot. Whack some holes in it and plant yer stuff in them. Saves shit loads of time not having to weed.
Forest

Heyho wrote:
Butts wrote:
Have you ever grown garlic?


Yes. Best to put the bulbs in around September time for a crop the following year. When harvesting if you leave it too long it does start to taste a bit earthy though so best get it when it is fresh.

Spent over an hour last night sorting out a raised bed I'd created a couple of years ago. I'd 'given' the 6ft x 6ft bed to soemone to look after (from another site like this) but he hasn't been back and kept up to it. Bloody full of couch grass now. impossible to get rid of.


My garlic that I've just harvested are single large bulbs instead of small Cloves bunched together, I'm not sure why turned out that way.
Just been down the allotment, peas, broad beans, potatoes, more courgettes and a cabbage. Might make a soup.
Heyho

Forest wrote:
My garlic that I've just harvested are single large bulbs instead of small Cloves bunched together, I'm not sure why turned out that way.
Just been down the allotment, peas, broad beans, potatoes, more courgettes and a cabbage. Might make a soup.


Sounds good to me. Might just have been a different type of garlic. dunno. At the end of the day what you produce is never the same as the stuff in the supermarkets.

My peas were a disaster. Easiest things out to grow as well. Hopefully cabbage will be ok.

Have some cauliflower and brocholli in that was late being planted. Hoping it doesn't bolt.
Forest

Just been told it's £55 rent for the next year, it's gone up again, probably to pay for the new toilets I imagine. I usually nip round the back of the greenhouse for a pee, anyway its good for the compost heap.
bearing

How's everyone's beans doing this year?

Ours are really struggling to produce.
Forest

bearing wrote:
How's everyone's beans doing this year?

Ours are really struggling to produce.


Yeah mine aren't anything like as good as last year, picked the first French beans today and it was barely a handful, Runners are nowhere near ready.
bearing

Forest wrote:
bearing wrote:
How's everyone's beans doing this year?

Ours are really struggling to produce.


Yeah mine aren't anything like as good as last year, picked the first French beans today and it was barely a handful, Runners are nowhere near ready.


Glad it's not just us then, thought we'd fucked up somewhere along the line but couldn't work out where.  The Runners seemed to take ages before the bees saw them, the flowers were dropping before being pollenated.
Forest

Think it may be to do with the weather, July has been shite, Pumpkins are loving it though, and courgettes  

I'm running out of stuff to make with the courgettes and I've still loads
Forest

Pumpkins enjoying the shade

Heyho

My beans are well behind at the moment. I thought they were 'has beens'
bearing

Horticultural hilarity! this thread has everything...
Butts

Forest wrote:
Pumpkins enjoying the shade



Those are fantastic! If you have a surplus when it comes to harvesting I think you know where I live  
Forest

Butts wrote:


Those are fantastic! If you have a surplus when it comes to harvesting I think you know where I live  



I'm sure there'll be surplus, planted on the place where I kept the manure until recently, theres about a dozen tennis ball sized pumpkins too.
sheeps

Owt growing?
Grind

My beans are poo too. Strange.

My tomatoes are now coming along at a furious pace. Nom, nom, nom.
Heyho

Beans have just started flowering but not a lot of them. An dthe flowers are white and I expected red/orange ones.

Tomatoes have been shite. Total waste of time. I do suspect however that the discarded watering can I found and used near the tap might well have been used for someones weedkiller.

Cabbage is doing well but there is only so much you can do with it. Made a cabbage soup by adding tomatos, celery, beans, onions and the like and half a jar of salsa. Wife took it to work and emailed me 'god this soup is shite it stinks the office out'. Ungrateful bitch.

Put a bit of winter veg in. Might put some onions in soon as well.
Forest

French and runner beans are coming along nicely after a slow start, so many courgettes I've been giving them away and the pumpkins are doing really well, it must be all the wet weather.
Plastic Man

A tip if your beans (and other self-pollinating plants such as tomatoes, peppers and peas) are flowering but not setting - mist-spray the flowers with water. (Ideally not cold water - room temperature is fine.)

We routinely do this from when the flowers appear on plants in the greenhouse and outdoors.

And don't forget - beans are thirsty buggers.
geoff_bell

Heyho wrote:
Cabbage is doing well but there is only so much you can do with it. Made a cabbage soup by adding tomatos, celery, beans, onions and the like and half a jar of salsa. Wife took it to work and emailed me 'god this soup is shite it stinks the office out'. Ungrateful bitch.

roflao.



sorry  
Plastic Man

geoff_bell wrote:
Heyho wrote:
Cabbage is doing well but there is only so much you can do with it. Made a cabbage soup by adding tomatos, celery, beans, onions and the like and half a jar of salsa. Wife took it to work and emailed me 'god this soup is shite it stinks the office out'. Ungrateful bitch.

roflao.



sorry  


I wonder if we might see the headline,

Woodlesford man dies as cabbage-gas Dutch oven prank goes tragically wrong.

Wife blames husband for inability to gauge poisonous nature of fart due to his home-made soup destroying her senses of smell and taste.
sheeps

That really could happen.
Heyho

Plastic Man wrote:
geoff_bell wrote:
Heyho wrote:
Cabbage is doing well but there is only so much you can do with it. Made a cabbage soup by adding tomatos, celery, beans, onions and the like and half a jar of salsa. Wife took it to work and emailed me 'god this soup is shite it stinks the office out'. Ungrateful bitch.

roflao.



sorry  


I wonder if we might see the headline,

Woodlesford man dies as cabbage-gas Dutch oven prank goes tragically wrong.

Wife blames husband for inability to gauge poisonous nature of fart due to his home-made soup destroying her senses of smell and taste.


there's a postscript to this. Got home last night and the kitchen did stink a lot. of course the soup was blamed and the wife took the container out and plonked it in the middle of the garden. i encouraged one of the pet rabbits to try some, it had a sniff and ran off at the speed of light.
Forest

Pumpkin update: have you seen the size of these big bastards



Noticed today that I have butternut squash as well that haven't been eaten by slugs
Late Doors

Hmm are you sure that isn't Hattie Jaques hiding in the plot
Forest

Late Doors wrote:
Hmm are you sure that isn't Hattie Jaques hiding in the plot


* titters*
Forest

Part Two in a series of rude vegetable pictures

Grind

And you expect us to swallow that?
Grind

I've spent the last couple of days chopping up and then boiling tomatoes to freeze for future epicurian flights of fancy.

Or, more likely, random curries.

I think the corn might be ready too. Nom.
Heyho

I've got a glut of French beans. Amazing really considering I was expecting broad beans. What do you do with the little fuckers?

For the first year my broccoli hasn't bolted so look forward to that towards christmas as well.
Butts

They freeze well don't they? I'm not a big fan of green beans. they don't puree like others and you can only really use them boiled/steamed or in stir fries. They go well in a Thai curry or I've sometimes chopped them up quite small and used them in a risotto, instead of peas.

When steaming/ boiling, cook them for precisely 6 minutes so they are nice and al dente, plunge them into cold water if you need to keep them for a while once cooked to stop them going grey.
bearing

Do as we do Heyho, have them with everything!

I love green beans me...
Butts

Look at this beauty that Forest delivered today, made a delicious goats cheese and spicy pumpking pie with about 4% of it - will put up the recipe in a bit.

Thanks mate.


smiling badger

Tried my Jalapeno peppers last night and were very tasty. Not a huge crop but only have two plants on the go so enough for little old me.
Nice size peppers they are too.
Forest

PUMPKIN UPDATE

Picked the last crop up yesterday, struggled a bit to get the large one in the boot. Its a big bastard, its 28" tall and 24"wide!
.
Grind

Small, but perfectly formed:-



* That was the only one this year. *
wotsfortea

Anybody got any plants to swap.
I have loads of perennials to divide and some that have self seeded.
If you have some to swap i will post them out and you can post me something nice back?
Anybody who wants a lot can pick them up from a hospital in Leeds.
Late Doors

book swap is history (like the green fingers thread   , are you happy now   ), plant swap is where it's at

My Astrantias are ready for splitting
Forest

I was put off swapping plants on here after the Rhubarb debacle with Dock last year.
grunt

Grunt's Plant and Book Swap Club. I've been looking to diversify.

Swap your plants and books, or even swap a plant for a book or vice versa.

Why pay more?
Forest

grunt wrote:
Grunt's Plant and Book Swap Club. I've been looking to diversify.

Swap your plants and books, or even swap a plant for a book or vice versa.

Why pay more?



Why not just call it Grunts Jumble sale?
grunt

If I ever need advice on how to run a Swap Club, I'll be sure to ask you Forest  
bearing

grunt wrote:
If I ever need advice on how to run a Swap Club, I'll be sure to ask you Forest  


Have you asked him yet?
wotsfortea

Grunt have you thought about branching out into flower pressing.
All the books nobody wants will make excellent presses.
you can then make bookmarks with the pressed flowers if you mount them.
Forest

Opened a packet of courgette seeds today. £2.49 for 7 feckin seeds FFS.

Unwins seeds. The cheeky bastards. Dont buy em.
Kevin Khatchadourian

Depends how many courgettes you get? Could be a bargain.
Forest

Kevin Khatchadourian wrote:
Depends how many courgettes you get? Could be a bargain.


If they all germinate it woud be great but its not guaranteed.

Its a huge rip-off, 7 tiny seeds for two and half quid. I'll admit I'm a tight bastard but that is taking the piss.
grunt

wotsfortea wrote:
Grunt have you thought about branching out into flower pressing.
All the books nobody wants will make excellent presses.
you can then make bookmarks with the pressed flowers if you mount them.


I'm not sure I like your tone.
Grind

I'm going to do my vegetable patch next week.

Orders, please.
sheeps

Grind wrote:
I'm going to do my vegetable patch next week.

Orders, please.


Go get fucked.
bearing

grunt wrote:
wotsfortea wrote:
Grunt have you thought about branching out into flower pressing.
All the books nobody wants will make excellent presses.
you can then make bookmarks with the pressed flowers if you mount them.


I'm not sure I like your tone.


I wouldn't take that grunt, hers mugged you off proper. You just gonna sit there and take it you big girl?
Forest

bearing wrote:
grunt wrote:
wotsfortea wrote:
Grunt have you thought about branching out into flower pressing.
All the books nobody wants will make excellent presses.
you can then make bookmarks with the pressed flowers if you mount them.


I'm not sure I like your tone.


I wouldn't take that grunt, hers mugged you off proper. You just gonna sit there and take it you big girl?


If there's any carrying on take it elsewhere, this is the allotment thread for us gentle gardening folk
Grind

sheeps wrote:
Grind wrote:
I'm going to do my vegetable patch next week.

Orders, please.


Go get fucked.


Cucumbers it is then.
sheeps

Grind wrote:
sheeps wrote:
Grind wrote:
I'm going to do my vegetable patch next week.

Orders, please.


Go get fucked.


Cucumbers it is then.


bearing

I thought you were more of a marrow man.
Kevin Khatchadourian

Butternuts
Grind

Kevin Khatchadourian wrote:
Butternuts


Good shout.

* Margarinemuff
grunt

bearing wrote:
grunt wrote:
wotsfortea wrote:
Grunt have you thought about branching out into flower pressing.
All the books nobody wants will make excellent presses.
you can then make bookmarks with the pressed flowers if you mount them.


I'm not sure I like your tone.


I wouldn't take that grunt, hers mugged you off proper. You just gonna sit there and take it you big girl?


Don't you worry, I've seen her off with my mild rebuke. She won't be back, mark my words.
wotsfortea

grunt wrote:
bearing wrote:
grunt wrote:
wotsfortea wrote:
Grunt have you thought about branching out into flower pressing.
All the books nobody wants will make excellent presses.
you can then make bookmarks with the pressed flowers if you mount them.


I'm not sure I like your tone.


I wouldn't take that grunt, hers mugged you off proper. You just gonna sit there and take it you big girl?


Don't you worry, I've seen her off with my mild rebuke. She won't be back, mark my words.

Like bearing said "you big girl",
so, go and do big girl things like hair ,nails and make-up, me I'm building a gazebo.
Grind

Grunt can't answer at the moment, he's exfoliating some girlie bits.
wotsfortea

Grind wrote:
Grunt can't answer at the moment, he's exfoliating some girlie bits.
Who is waxing his sack and crack?
I have a very good homemade recipe, that contains honey and tar, the results are permanent.
wotsfortea

Forest wrote:
Opened a packet of courgette seeds today. £2.49 for 7 feckin seeds FFS.

Unwins seeds. The cheeky bastards. Dont buy em.


Why whinge when I offered you free seeds and plants.
Let one of the courgettes run to a marrow and then you will have thousands of seeds if your really that tight.
Forest

wotsfortea wrote:
Forest wrote:
Opened a packet of courgette seeds today. £2.49 for 7 feckin seeds FFS.

Unwins seeds. The cheeky bastards. Dont buy em.


Why whinge when I offered you free seeds and plants.
Let one of the courgettes run to a marrow and then you will have thousands of seeds if your really that tight.


Great idea, this time next year I'll have loads.  
fartcatcher

Quote:
Great idea, this time next year I'll have loads.  


You could take your marrow in a barrow to Harrow (or Jarrow).
Forest

Good news, bought some Jamie Oliver seeds yesterday and there are 25 seeds for £2.05, a real bargain. Surely a knighthood for Jamie is just round the corner now. He's ace.
Grind

What the fuck are you going to do with all those Jamie Olivers?

It'll be pandaemonium in that kitchen and no mistake.
Forest

Grind wrote:
What the fuck are you going to do with all those Jamie Olivers?

It'll be pandaemonium in that kitchen and no mistake.


Sir Jamie Oliver Courgette seeds i should have added.
Grind

Forest wrote:
Grind wrote:
What the fuck are you going to do with all those Jamie Olivers?

It'll be pandaemonium in that kitchen and no mistake.


Sir Jamie Oliver Courgette seeds i should have added.


And you think that makes it better?  tryyryo.gif
Plastic Man

Forest wrote:
Good news, bought some Jamie Oliver seeds yesterday and there are 25 seeds for £2.05, a real bargain. Surely a knighthood for Jamie is just round the corner now. He's ace.


Have you tried Lidl's seeds? The standard varieties are 29p or 49p a packet.  I bought some pumpkin seeds - there was probably at least 15-20 seeds in the packet. Courgette seeds are smaller, so you'd probably get even more.
Forest

Plastic Man wrote:
Forest wrote:
Good news, bought some Jamie Oliver seeds yesterday and there are 25 seeds for £2.05, a real bargain. Surely a knighthood for Jamie is just round the corner now. He's ace.


Have you tried Lidl's seeds? The standard varieties are 29p or 49p a packet.  I bought some pumpkin seeds - there was probably at least 15-20 seeds in the packet. Courgette seeds are smaller, so you'd probably get even more.


I'd forgotten about Lidl. Might call in tomorrow
Forest

Realised recently my spuds werent doing very well, upon further investigtion today nearly two thirds have rotted in the ground due to the wet weather FFS, amd the bastard slugs have nearly destroyed my runner beans  

Days like this make me feel like not bothering with growing veg anymore.
Plastic Man

Forest wrote:
Realised recently my spuds werent doing very well, upon further investigtion today nearly two thirds have rotted in the ground due to the wet weather FFS, amd the bastard slugs have nearly destroyed my runner beans  

Days like this make me feel like not bothering with growing veg anymore.


I know how you feel.

Outside, the pumpkins, cucumbers and courgettes are barely growing and have been attacked by slugs and snails. Several plants have been lost entirely. All the reserve plants have gone in to replace them, but don't look too bright. The lettuces are virtually decimated.

The tomatoes, peppers, chillis and cucumbers in the greenhouse aren't doing much either.

Hopefully it will warm up sufficiently to quickly bring on the peas, runner beans and mangetout, otherwise I can see them also being decimated by pests.

It's just too cold and there's not enough sunlight.
Forest

Plastic Man wrote:
Forest wrote:
Realised recently my spuds werent doing very well, upon further investigtion today nearly two thirds have rotted in the ground due to the wet weather FFS, amd the bastard slugs have nearly destroyed my runner beans  

Days like this make me feel like not bothering with growing veg anymore.


I know how you feel.

Outside, the pumpkins, cucumbers and courgettes are barely growing and have been attacked by slugs and snails. Several plants have been lost entirely. All the reserve plants have gone in to replace them, but don't look too bright. The lettuces are virtually decimated.

The tomatoes, peppers, chillis and cucumbers in the greenhouse aren't doing much either.

Hopefully it will warm up sufficiently to quickly bring on the peas, runner beans and mangetout, otherwise I can see them also being decimated by pests.

It's just too cold and there's not enough sunlight.


Everything seems to be weeks behind, as for the slugs Iv'e given in and used slug pellets, after seeing my squash disappear overnight there was no way they are having my courgettes.
Grind

Not planted anything yet due to the minging weather.

I might just end up doing tomatoes and corn.
Plastic Man

Two days ago I resorted to carpet bombing with slug pellets.

Surprisingly, there hasn't been as much mollusc carnage in the veg patch as I expected.

It appears that the weather has been too miserable even for slugs and snails to venture out.
Heyho

'Oh what a beauty I haven't seen one like that before'.

Well two actually. Two whopper cucumbers and more to follow. Pity I can't stand them.

It's been a bloody shite year on t'plot though. Given up this year - everything got flooded. Over grown with weeds. total disaster.
fartcatcher

I measured a slug in our garden as being 20 cm long - that's 8 inches for you guys up N.

Wish my **** was that big
Late Doors

Oh for a normal one eh? Save you ruining your socks having to tuck it in all the time eh
Heyho

fartcatcher wrote:
I measured a slug in our garden as being 20 cm long - that's 8 inches for you guys up N.

Wish my **** was that big


How did you measure it. Did you run out with a ruler. Didn't it contract as you went up to it?

You need to register it on this site:

http://www.byteland.org/slugfest/index.html

Bet it left a load of mess when you whacked salt on it?

[/url]
Grind

I think there's something seriously wrong with your diet.

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