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carp

Married Life

Why is it that women can't leave the toilet seat up? When I get up for a pee in the middle of the night I don't want to turn lights on. So a big target is what I need. Fed up with urine soaked toes and she can't like the fact I wash them with her flannel
Grind

I put the lid as well as the seat down. That messes with 'em.

Good idea with the flannel though.

* Stuffs it down pants. *
Late Doors

You could always sit down and both enjoy a dry static seat
Late Doors

There's four different wallpapers and she asks me which one we should have. I like that one, i say. No, she says, it's too dark.
"Oh, then that one" i reply.
"Too much of a sheen" she responds
"Got to be that one" i muster
"Too pinky " she tells me.
Oh, what about that one then? I offer
"Yeah i like that one as well, thanks" she confirms
"Happy to help"" i utter
Heyho

One fundamental law of married life - even if the wall paper looks fucking shite, smile and say 'yes that looks ace, really finishes the room off well'

I have also learnt the art of being colour blind when it comes to things like paint and soft furnishings
Grind

All "furnishings" are soft.
sheeps

Fucking wimps the lot o' yer.


*folds tea towel nicely over oven door handle*
Cutsyke

I've always put the toilet seat down, and the lid.
Grind

Cutsyke wrote:
I've always put the toilet seat down, and the lid.


That's why it splashes everywhere, you total mong!
Cutsyke

Piss in the sink.
fartcatcher

I always sit down if I have a piss at night as otherwise aim is too erratic.

If you put the seat back up, all the bacteria slide off it and drown in the water. Fact.
Cutsyke

I always sit down too. Hate reading standing up.
Late Doors

I can't read on the loo either. In, business and out, rapid, that's my tactic. Like a mob of Russian Hoolies
Grind

Late Doors wrote:
I can't read on the loo either. In, business and out, rapid, that's my tactic. Like a mob of Russian Hoolies


Hopefully with less unintended destruction.
carp

Similar to some other posts.

Mrs C to me, are you hungry?
Me, Not really
Mrs C to S1, are you hungry?
S1, Yes, can we go get a pulled pork roll?
Mrs C, Yes. What else do they do? Hot dogs and burgers. You don't like their burgers do you carp?
Me, no but I'm not hungry so you get what you want.
Mrs C, will you share a hot dog?
Me, ok but I'm not really hungry.
Mrs C, I don't like hot dogs. Will you share a burger. I don't like their hot dogs.
Me, No. I'm not really hungry and I don't like their burgers.
Mrs C to waiter, one pulled pork roll please.
Me to Mrs C, have a burger if that's what you want
Mrs C, No. I can't eat a whole one and thought you might share.
Me, silence
Mrs C, Silence
S1, nom nom nom
Heyho

Mrs H to me - 'life's too short, you can't take it with you can you'

Next day

Me -'mind if I buy a new Kodi box'/
Mrs H 'Yes I do you aren't buying it'
Heyho

Heyho wrote:
Mrs H to me - 'life's too short, you can't take it with you can you'

Next day

Me -'mind if I buy a new Kodi box'
Mrs H - 'Yes I do you aren't buying it'

Me -'noted'
Grind

Classic.

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