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Jones the Steamed

Golden Banana,Colchester / Taybarns, Sheffield



Went down to sunny Essex earlier this week to fix a machine that's been profiling the brass panels to clad the new Visual Arts Centre in Colchester. Not sure if I fixed it properly but there was only about 1% of the brass cladding left to put in place on the very bottom and top corners of the building so they can Evo Stick them if need be and no one'll notice.

It's quite impressive close up whilst it's brand new but give it a few days open to the public and it'll have smudged hand prints and a few holes here and there. The brass is only 0.5mm thick, I managed to dint a little section with a lump of mucus so I fear for its long term health.

Colchesters alright, nipped off work early for a gander and was taken aback by the quality of the tottie even having to snap out of a cute bum stalk that I drifted in to. I blame the sun.

As far as Roman towns go I've got to grudgingly give Chester the nod over Camaulodinum, oddly though I didn't see any camels there so they lose points on that fact. To be fair I didn't do a tour but Deva is a much classier act in terms of shops and restaurants, if it wasn't for the stuck up cunts who live there I could even love Deva, but it is full of twats.

Finished my business down south then razzed up the M1 to the Premier Inn/Taybarns in north Sheffield ready for a brief meeting the next morning. Think I may have mentioned the Taybarns concept before, it's 5.99 for as much as you can eat, it's loaded with fatties cramming as much food in to their already oversize bellies adding yards to their arses and anywhere else they can accomodate the calories they guzzle.

Strangest dining party in there on this occasion was ginger freckled mum with ginger freckled son and daughter, very slim too which instinctively drew my attention to them. It's obligatory dining behaviour to have at least 2 plates of main food and the gingers set about the business in the normal tradition but half way through plate 1 a napkin was set in the middle of the trio and they proceeded to build a food mountain.

The foundation was built with a chewed chicken breast and a sausage, then they piled on pizza crusts and more chicken followed by other non meat products that led me to believe they weren't stockpiling a doggy bag and were only removing sub standard food that was to their dislike and didn't want it on their plates anymore.

The tower grew to a height of 100m and was about about 100mm in diameter, I wondered if they were visual artists raiding Taybarns to construct a food tower making a point about the tonnes of waste that's generated.

They caught me clandestinely eyeing their tower, I was going nowhere as I had 3/4s of my red wine carafe left and decided to see the performance through. My tenacity paid off as they sat uncomfortably, about 3 yards away waiting for a moment to steal their cache with no prying eyes.

Mum ginger freckles heaved the napkin wrapped booty in to her hand bag and darted off with an even redder face than she'd had when entering the piggery.

I'm still at a loss as to what it was all about, certainly not a doggy bag, any self respecting pet pot bellied pig would turn its snout up at that concoction, maybe it was a food parcel to relatives in Barnsley.

Strange behaviour.
Jones the Steamed

You're too kind Clacks, thanks very much.
Late Doors

Fantastic, its true Jones I love reading travelogues/guides and read loads. Id love to spend a day chiming through a book of your stuff. Dead right about Chester, posh kids thinking theyre either gangsters or permanently living in a Hollyoaks episode.

There is also a great pub in Colchester, cant remember the name but its just next to Essex Cricket ground.

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