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Dock

2000 Guineas (MCR)

Tomorrow. Newmarket.

First classc of the flat season. It's been an interesting first month of the season, but this is where it really kicks off. Nineteen fantastic three year old flying machines. CH4 will be showing it, along with three other races from Newmarket. Ace! Can't wait! †


http://www.racingpost.com/horses2...e_id=499570&r_date=2010-05-01
bearing

Put me £5 EW on Fencing Master

ta Dockster
Dock

bearing wrote:
Put me £5 EW on Fencing Master

ta Dockster


No probs. Kin' bookies runner me. I'll be off for Papa Dock (Wakey not Haiti) as well. Operation was a success but a bit too ill to go to the bookies n' that. I will be delivering the list of runners and riders to the Nuffield Hospital tomorrow for his purusal.

*runs around like blue-arsed fly*
bearing

You'd think the Nuffield would have a bookies
Sir Bulldog Craggwood

glad to hear about your dad Dockster - i'd keep him away from racetracks and bookies for the time being!
Late Doors

You got any tips for Sheeps?

good news about papa
bearing

I've got a great tip for sheeps, he needs to have his anal glands checked on a regular basis. †Sliding around on ones arse is not a cool look.
Dock

Ta for kind words about my Dad. Thanks lads.

I think T'bearing could be on the money with his selection, the Ballydoyle stable didn't run anything in Dubai, or anywhere else over the winter. Aidan O' Brien's horses must be kicking the stable doors off. The thing with the classics is that every bloody horse is brill. Really hard to pick one. I'd go with either Elusive Pimpernel (which won for me at York last year), or, I think I'll stick with the Ballydoyle stable's top jocks choice, St. Nicholas Abbey that I mentioned earlier on here:

http://regdafishthinktank.com/about5838.html&highlight=murtagh
bearing

That's why I'm off down the bookies to lay a fiver myself.

Tell your dad that bearing asked after him, it'll make his day...

Just don't mention that mangy mutt off here!
bearing

Mrs t' bearing is taking daughter t' bearing to a birthday party, they're currently following 'Don't Push it" in his limo!

Assuming that he's running at Uttoxeter
Dock

bearing wrote:
Mrs t' bearing is taking daughter t' bearing to a birthday party, they're currently following 'Don't Push it" in his limo!

Assuming that he's running at Uttoxeter


10/10 for the sighting.

Back on topic. Makfi 33-1 won the Guineas. Kin' ell, I wouldn't have picked that if I'd looked at the the form for a week.
bearing

Nor me Dock, certainly a leftfield winner.
Dock

bearing wrote:
Nor me Dock, certainly a leftfield winner.


Too many runners.
bearing

Dock wrote:
bearing wrote:
Nor me Dock, certainly a leftfield winner.


Too many runners.


Bit like the Grand National on the flat, big odds the top three weren't they?
Grind

Kentucky Derby today an' all.
Dock

Grind wrote:
Kentucky Derby today an' all.


I looked at the form, and I didn't know any of the runners. I usually take an interest but was a bit caught up with the Guineas. My Dad went once to Churchill Downs in Kentucky for the Breeders Cup, said it's an unbelievable place, and he backed the winner of the big race, Johnny Murtagh on Kalanisi, jammy bastard.
bearing

What an extraordinary name for a horse, Kalanisi jammy bastard
Dock

bearing wrote:
What an extraordinary name for a horse, Kalanisi jammy bastard


Not as good as Deadstaffordcheekyfucker.  

What would you lot call a horse? Mine would be (if it was a filly) 'Girls got Rhythm' after the AC/DC song.
Late Doors

I'd call mine sillicant just to hear the commentators. slightly off top but a mate of my dads in the whippet/greyhound racing game called his three Nonsense, rubbish and fiddlesticks wich used to have us kids cracking up when they  announced them at Kirkheaton races.
Dock

Late Doors wrote:
I'd call mine sillicant just to hear the commentators. slightly off top but a mate of my dads in the whippet/greyhound racing game called his three Nonsense, rubbish and fiddlesticks wich used to have us kids cracking up when they †announced them at Kirkheaton races.


Ace!  Kin' ell, never a dull moment in Kirklees is there LD.
Forest

I'd call mine Araldite.
Dock

Forest wrote:
I'd call mine Araldite.


Pray tell why Fozdyke?

*awaits devastatingly funny punchline*
Late Doors

*joins waiting list for punchline*
Dock

Late Doors wrote:
*joins waiting list for punchline*


*passes thermos to LD*
Late Doors

Got some cheese n pickle sarnies here Dock, you want one
grunt

Can't wait for this, it's gonna be so good.
Dock

Late Doors wrote:
Got some cheese n pickle sarnies here Dock, you want one


Nom Nom, can't beat a nice bit of stilton whilst waiting for Leeds' answer to Richard Pryor.

*passes Thermos to Grunt*
Late Doors

Keep mi place in t'queue lads im just nipping out. Might spread the word as well there's going to be something awesome when i get back
Dock

Late Doors wrote:
Keep mi place in t'queue lads im just nipping out. Might spread the word as well there's going to be something awesome when i get back


Don't be too long, thee's a big queue forming at the burger van. LD, do you want mustard and onions?
grunt

Cheers D, it's the kind of anticipation you get when you know all your Xmases are about to come at once.
Forest

grunt wrote:
Cheers D, it's the kind of anticipation you get when you know all your Xmases are about to come at once.


Why whats happening, have I missed summat?
grunt

Forest wrote:
grunt wrote:
Cheers D, it's the kind of anticipation you get when you know all your Xmases are about to come at once.


Why whats happening, have I missed summat?


hAha stop messing about you tinker, come on let's have it then..
Forest

grunt wrote:
Forest wrote:
grunt wrote:
Cheers D, it's the kind of anticipation you get when you know all your Xmases are about to come at once.


Why whats happening, have I missed summat?


hAha stop messing about you tinker, come on let's have it then..


Eh? Did you just call me a gypo?
grunt

You're just building the anticipation aren't you? God you're good!
bearing

TELL US THE FUCKING PUNCHLINE FOZ!
Late Doors

Owt happened yet?

soz i was a bit longer than i first thought, been spreading the word tha'no's  

*Shouts to irate mob behind*

"they were just watching my place"

Eeeehh takes me right back to the Watford play off queue this does, hope i don't have to wait as long

Araldite eh? oh yeah i remember

*digs in*
Plastic Man

I'm anticipating that this will be the long awaited replacement for the new millennium of the legendary "Seventh Panzer division" joke.

I trust I will not be disappointed.

Eddie - fetch the Harrod's hamper. Tuck in lads...

Mr Dock - I appreciate that Beluga caviare is not to everybody's taste, but I can reassure you that they are NOT fish bogies.
Dock

Plastic Man wrote:
I'm anticipating that this will be the long awaited replacement for the new millennium of the legendary "Seventh Panzer division" joke.

I trust I will not be disappointed.

Eddie - fetch the Harrod's hamper. Tuck in lads...

Mr Dock - I appreciate that Beluga caviare is not to everybody's taste, but I can reassure you that they are NOT fish bogies.


Kin' are Your Grace. I'll stick with my Cheese and pickle. Has Fozdyke come back with this punchline yet? It's ust there's a coachload of pensioners from Halifax turned up on the promise of this punchline. Well, that and bingo and a raffle afterwards.
Plastic Man

I hear that Mr Forest is even funnier than that bloke who used to copy Dennis O'Leary's act.

Or was it the bloke whose act Dennis O'Leary copied?

I can't remember... anyway, at least it's not Lenny Bruce.

I mean Lenny Henry.
grunt

Forest taught Tommy Cooper to go "Juzzlikethat...notlikethat....likethat..haha" and then told David Jason to fall through the bar. There has never been an instance where one of his punchlines has fallen flat.
bearing

Anyone mind if I just crack one off?
Plastic Man

".... I don't know mate, but you hum it and I'll araldite it."

That might on first appearances seem to be a shit punchline, if it were Mr Forest's punchline, but it's probably not, but if it is, it's the rest of the joke that makes it incredibly funny.

That, and the "way he tells them*"

*(c) Frank Carson
Dock

FFS! Do we have an ETA for this punchline. I've got a squadron of Red Arrows ready to do a fly-past in Fozdyke's honour. Wish he'd get his skates on.
Dock

*taps foot, looks peeved*
Sir Bulldog Craggwood

Plastic Man wrote:
".... I don't know mate, but you hum it and I'll araldite it."

That might on first appearances seem to be a shit punchline, if it were Mr Forest's punchline, but it's probably not, but if it is, it's the rest of the joke that makes it incredibly funny.

That, and the "way he tells them*"

*(c) Frank Carson


10/10 for effort
Forest

Sir Bulldog Craggwood wrote:
Plastic Man wrote:
".... I don't know mate, but you hum it and I'll araldite it."

That might on first appearances seem to be a shit punchline, if it were Mr Forest's punchline, but it's probably not, but if it is, it's the rest of the joke that makes it incredibly funny.

That, and the "way he tells them*"

*(c) Frank Carson


10/10 for effort


It'll do for me, due to work commitments I've been unable to come up with the punchline so I'm happy this is resolved so you can all go home now.

Go on off with you now.
Dock

FFS, IS THAT IT? It's all very well dismissing us with a wave of you're hand. What about these wheelchair-bound fans. They'd booked for Lourdes, but I told them all you'd be better. All they want is a punchline you comedic fuck!
sheeps

I could tell my joke about the worst ventriloquist ever.
Forest

sheeps wrote:
I could tell my joke about the worst ventriloquist ever.


I always liked that joke.
bearing

Me too
sheeps

Well thanks lads but seeing as it's Dock's thread I shall wait for his nod.

Sure it will be affirmative.
Dock

sheeps wrote:
Well thanks lads but seeing as it's Dock's thread I shall wait for his nod.

Sure it will be affirmative.


Go on.  
bearing

Dock wrote:
sheeps wrote:
Well thanks lads but seeing as it's Dock's thread I shall wait for his nod.

Sure it will be affirmative.


Go on. †


You're a good lad Dock, I've never believed all those things people on here have sent me in PM's about you and horses...
Pond Life

This thread should get good now. Is there anyway i can get an RSS feed on it?
bearing

Dunno, you'll have to ask Foo or LD they're the ones fighting for ownership of the place.
Dock

bearing wrote:
Dunno, you'll have to ask Foo or LD they're the ones fighting for ownership of the place.


Ooh ooh, is it going to be like the Barnes and the Ewings fighting over territory? I'll hold coats.  


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